Aka Dua and Kunlun: The Beginning

(More from my journal. This is out of sequence with the previous entry. See dates.)

(My "sphere" is obsidian or volcanic glass, clear and red. AD = Aka Dua. KL = Kunlun. GF = Golden Flower meditation.)

    10-15-08 – It really is amazing how significantly different the practice is when I use my sphere. Now I'm obsessed with the idea of buying moldavite which is a similar glass but formed from a meteor impact. I can only imagine what would come from combining the two in a practice session. More interesting I find that Aka Dua practitioners and Kunlun practitioners both claim that using obsidian and meteors significantly enhances the experience. I remember Eric telling me once that Koyote charged a meteor with the Aka Dua and held it up afterward for everyone to see, and Eric could swear it was physically glowing. How did I get myself into these things? If I hadn't met Russell I never would have moved to Riverside and probably never would have heard of the Aka Dua or gone to Ananda's and met Eric, etc. Kunlun and Aka Dua are somehow connected in all of this. I'm not sure what I'm cultivating by using them together, but it should certainly be interesting.

     The power and the light? Yes, that must be it. The ayahausqueros speak of the ayahuasca vine as being the power and the chacruna leaves being the light. Perhaps that's what I've found for myself in an energetic sense. Kunlun is sort of like a magical power, even if that power is just sending yourself into a seizure at will. Many things come from it, of course, like the development of magnetism, which could be considered power, a greater sense of empathy, and if nothing at all, it is the power to reset your body, mind, and spirit. Aka Dua means inner most light. What more need be said?

     So how to use them in conjunction? I've been trying to fill the space in which I'm about to practice KL with AD, but that sometimes impedes practice. Channeling the AD after KL is interesting and can be almost orgasmic in a way – different from the orgasmic feeling of KL. Somehow more organic – but it can also lead to bursts of more KL if you're not careful. Still, I think that might should be the order of it: KL then AD to cultivate the energy spent. I have the question of whether or not to close down from KL first or channel AD and then close down. There's also the difficult possibility of trying to channel AD while practicing Kunlun, with the eyes for example, but sometimes I have a hard enough time surrendering to the KL. Another thing I find interesting is that Max espouses living in the center of the body, or the middle dan tien – that's where one closes down after practice – and the AD is supposed to be generated from the Solar Plexus. So when I'm closing down from KL practice, I often have the inkling to channel AD from around the same area and cultivate that along with the energy I'm giving out – because nei gung is about an outward flow. I guess I need to experiment and not speculate about these things. I just remembered – figured out really – that I have another hour till my next class, so I'm going to go practice some more.

     I tried using different varieties of the AD during KL practice. I alternated doing KL, filling up my “core” or central pillar with AD, then doing more KL. They seem to be reenforcing of each other; KL was stronger the second time after AD, AD was stronger the second time after more KL, etc. Lunar variety seems to work very subtly and smoothly with the KL, but that may be its nature in general. I tend to see it not as the bright white light of the moon but as the eerie bluish hue cast on everything upon which it shines. It seems to work with the KL to cultivate a feeling of contentment and fullness. Eric associates the Unnamed variety with the Void, so I had that impression in my head the entire time. However it does seem to encourage the KL to go crazy, as it were. Obsidian variety stops the KL more than any other. Its superstable nature just keeps everything stuck in place. Atmospheric was a little fuzzy for me, but I didn't play with it much.

    Then I tried to Oceanic variety. I have almost no experience with the Oceanic variety by itself. I always imagined a sort of oceanic womb mother kind of feeling, but boy was I wrong. I thought about it – maybe I should try Oceanic. KL loves water – but immediately admitted I didn't even know if I could channel the Oceanic variety. I've tried before but nothing major really came of it. Until now. I was pounded by huge waves of bliss again and again. My whole body responded. It was extraordinary. I will try the Volcanic out of curiosity and the Solar out of morbid curiosity – you're not supposed to practice KL in full sunlight – and there may be something special to be gleaned from using the Jaguar subvariety, but I don't even know if I can channel that yet. I guess I'll go try. There might be a sort of similar energy there, the fierceness of the jaguar ala the fierceness of the dakinis or the dragons.

    Okay. I completely forgot about the Jaguar subvariety just now. I just kept working with the Oceanic instead. I'm figuring out that regardless of the order one does these things, it still all depends on attitude, intent, and surrender. I suppose there is a distinction to be made between surrender and mental vacuity, although they do go hand in hand, in essence; a state of mental vacuity often leads to a big jolt of KL, leading one to believe that was a moment of surrender, when it was truly just a moment of mental surrender or abandon. To surrender really means to trust completely, not exactly to fall back into the arms of the KL or the Tao or whatever. To just be and to just be willing. Considering my trust issues, I'm surprised I've gotten this far with the KL. I decided also to practice the Red Sun Method for the first time in several months, I believe. It was more intense than the first time, and I believe I really truly opened another big emotional block. Or at least I was shown how much farther I have to go. However, that is the first and most important step.

    As I was raising the little glowing ember up to my heart area and making it hotter and hotter, saying “melt, melt,” I thought I might not have enough breath to get it all the way up there and keep it there for a while. I kept going anyway, kept it there for as long as I could, and BANG! There was a definite pop or blast or something, and I let out and breathed. I saw this weird fractured pattern of colors in my vision, then I coughed hard. As I kept breathing and gaining composure, this terrible feeling of hurt and sadness swept over me for no reason. I started sobbing and almost fully crying. There was tangible knot in my chest that had been loosened, and I could feel it trying to tighten itself up again. I just felt the feeling of sadness – which I can still tap into now, now that I feel about it – and tried to smile to open the crown chakra. After a while I did GF with KL and that seemed to purify the feeling. Definitely not for the faint of heart, and definitely not something to do all the time.

    I find it remarkable that I have all these tools available to me to help me ascend. I find it less than ironic that I still smoke and drink and hide myself; it's all perfectly simple. What could be more fitting than a fully realized individual who drinks and smokes? I have to admit that would be pretty badass. It's a dream and a half to be fully integrated like that. But what about knowing what's bad for you and when to stop?