Progress

So after rereading my first post about the Kunlun seminar, I realized just how much the experience has changed for me since then. Because I'm constantly going through shifts with the energy and experiencing different results every time I practice, I fail to realize just how different it is now until I look back on my initial experiences.

Since then the energy has been coming through for me faster and faster. I can barely remain in the Kunlun posture for more than a few seconds before my left hand starts to swirl around and rise up toward my right. Then usually when it gets close enough my left and right wrists touch, my hands spin around, and I sweep my palms across each other. This usually results in a big burst of energy and that starts me moving.

I also start speaking in "tongues" almost immediately now as well. (In quotes because I don't consider these sounds a language but sort of the science of producing sounds to generate a specific energetic effect. I consider them similar to the "Languages of Light" channeled by some healers.) It's as thought the two experiences have been linked up for me now, though I can do one without the other if I wish.

The movements have gotten more fierce and fast. There's a shaky, trembling quality to the energy that wasn't always there before. It's as though there's a slight electric current being applied somewhere inside my body that causes my muscles to tremble and my body to shake. It didn't used to be so internal for me.

When I first started Kunlun, I was worried because I would shake and tremble for a few seconds and then stop. It was as though my mind was interfering, saying, "No, no. Calm down now. What's all this thrashing about? You should stop and think about stuff." Just a few days ago I was moving around so incredibly fast and changing positions so fast I almost hurt my wrist. I had to tone it down a bit. But this just goes to show how my mind has surrendered a little more, allowing me to give myself up to the energy and move from one position to the next without thinking about what I'm doing, whether or not I'm doing it or the the Kunlun is, or why I'm doing it.

Okay, I'm gonna get intimate now. A very dear friend of mine went in for heart surgery a few days ago. She was at one of the best heart hospitals around, and although the surgery was a serious one, no one was expecting any complications. They opened her up, replaced a valve, and the valve tore. They replaced it a second time, closed her up, and she started suffering from internal bleeding very badly. They opened her up again, fixed the problem, and an artery failed, so they had to remove a piece from her leg to replace it. They've kept her open just in case anything else goes wrong.

They day I heard all of this, I got very emotional. I haven't spent much time with her for quite a while and communication between us wasn't so good. I visited her in the hospital when she was admitted, but that didn't seem like enough. The only thing I could think of to do at this point was long-distance healing. I created a sigil that meant "PERFECT HEALTH" and wrapped it mentally around her. I started practicing Kunlun and charging it with the Aka Dua.

This was a strange experience because while I was myself being emotionally cleansed and purging because of the Kunlun, I was intending that this energy be directed toward her and her recovery. So I was being filled with all these strange images and voices questioning my love, asking me why I wasn't there, telling me to keep going, etc. I cried and cried and cried. At a few places the crying turned to laughter, but mostly I believe I was puring some of the enmity between us for not having communicated and not having been there for each other in the past few years. I had to concentrate very strongly on the fact that my love is not mutable, it doesn't change, no matter what we do or don't do to each other, I'll always be here. (Though not necessarily there. That's hard for some people to understand.)

Personally -- since this blog is about me -- it was one of the most intense and important sessions ever. I had to stay at my heart with the Golden Flower mudra for what seemed like an eternity. So many tears, so much blockage. I never realized how closed my heart actually was. It's crazy! When I finally felt comfortable enough to move the GF mudra to my 3rd Eye, it was the most blissful, serene, open feeling I've ever had in my head without taking some kind of drug. This was more than that though. At once I felt my mind turn off but still had the awareness to realize just how empty and open I was. It felt as though my mind were a dark cave and a wall had just ruptured and a river burst through to wipe it clean. The stream continued for... god knows how long, and after I felt I was done, that blissful and calm feeling remained.

In summary, it's amazing to me how far one can get without realizing it at all. I look at myself and think, "Damn, child. You've got miles to go before you sleep." But look how far I've come, look how far I've come. :-)